We have thin walls in our house. My room shares a wall with the living room, which means I hear almost everything said in there, especially during my prayer time, when I’m intentionally being quiet. Most mornings when the roomies start stirring, speaking and stomping, I find myself tapping into stored up patience. But, this morning, oddly enough, some of the conversation ironically contributed to prayer.
My roommate’s boyfriend had come over to pick her up. He told her hello and then went to sit on the couch while she brushed her teeth. (All of this was audible from the recesses of my bedroom. Thank you, Paper Thin Walls.) It was quiet for a minute, until she went into the living room and asked him to take out the trash. My first reaction – that’s ridiculous. It's not his trash! She needs to stop being lazy and take the trash out herself. Second reaction – (as said boyfriend gets up to collect our trash and take it outside) he needs to stop spoiling her.
At this point, I hit pause and told myself to shut up and stop being so judgmental. I needed to at least sit and think about this for a minute. Part of me still thought my roommate was just being lazy. But very quickly I also realized, that she was giving her boyfriend an opportunity to show her love. The main way this particular roomie of mine receives love is through acts of service. So, she was placing an opportunity for service right in front of him. She was letting herself be loved.
Then on his side of things, I started thinking about the fact that he loves her a lot, so he’s not going to care that she’s asking him to take out trash that isn't even his to begin with. He’s not going to see this as something she could have done, or something she should have done herself. To him, it’s an act of love for her. He’s going to do it, not with a spirit of resentment, but with a spirit of devotion.
And then I started thinking about myself and how little I ask for things or ask for help. Sadly, this is not new knowledge to me. I've been aware of it for a long time and know exactly where it comes from. It’s for fear of being vulnerable. C.S. Lewis said, "To love is to be vulnerable." I know that in my fear of vulnerability, I often close myself off to love. I think it will be something I struggle with my whole life. But I have hope… because I know that God can stir up vulnerability inside of me. He can plant a seed of it, nurture it and cause it to grow.
It was at about this point in my train of thought, that the Spirit gave me a little nudge. It wasn’t a – “Hey quit being distracted and re-focus” nudge. It was a – “Hey, this vulnerability thing… this offering up areas to be served or helped or loved… when was the last time you let me do that for you?” kind of nudge. And in that moment, I was really humbled.
My roommate’s boyfriend had come over to pick her up. He told her hello and then went to sit on the couch while she brushed her teeth. (All of this was audible from the recesses of my bedroom. Thank you, Paper Thin Walls.) It was quiet for a minute, until she went into the living room and asked him to take out the trash. My first reaction – that’s ridiculous. It's not his trash! She needs to stop being lazy and take the trash out herself. Second reaction – (as said boyfriend gets up to collect our trash and take it outside) he needs to stop spoiling her.
At this point, I hit pause and told myself to shut up and stop being so judgmental. I needed to at least sit and think about this for a minute. Part of me still thought my roommate was just being lazy. But very quickly I also realized, that she was giving her boyfriend an opportunity to show her love. The main way this particular roomie of mine receives love is through acts of service. So, she was placing an opportunity for service right in front of him. She was letting herself be loved.
Then on his side of things, I started thinking about the fact that he loves her a lot, so he’s not going to care that she’s asking him to take out trash that isn't even his to begin with. He’s not going to see this as something she could have done, or something she should have done herself. To him, it’s an act of love for her. He’s going to do it, not with a spirit of resentment, but with a spirit of devotion.
And then I started thinking about myself and how little I ask for things or ask for help. Sadly, this is not new knowledge to me. I've been aware of it for a long time and know exactly where it comes from. It’s for fear of being vulnerable. C.S. Lewis said, "To love is to be vulnerable." I know that in my fear of vulnerability, I often close myself off to love. I think it will be something I struggle with my whole life. But I have hope… because I know that God can stir up vulnerability inside of me. He can plant a seed of it, nurture it and cause it to grow.
It was at about this point in my train of thought, that the Spirit gave me a little nudge. It wasn’t a – “Hey quit being distracted and re-focus” nudge. It was a – “Hey, this vulnerability thing… this offering up areas to be served or helped or loved… when was the last time you let me do that for you?” kind of nudge. And in that moment, I was really humbled.
Here's God, hurt because I'm not letting Him love me or serve me. MIND BLOWN. What a beautiful God we have, who loves us without limitations or bounds! I know that so often I try and tough through things, thinking that I need to be strong enough, or that if I just had enough of... something… that I would be able to work through it and handle it. I'd deluded myself into thinking that my being independent and self-sufficient was what God wanted. Wrong. Here was God very clearly saying that He just wanted me to acknowledge my shortcomings and weaknesses, and to just let Him serve me. Because when God serves us, He loves us.
God wants to take your trash out for you.
Now, maybe this whole concept turns your head upside down - because that's a little of what happened to me - but it's true. The night before He died, Jesus washed His disciples' feet, saying "Do you release what I have done for you? You call me Teacher and Lord, and you are right, for so I am." But yet - He washes us. He waits on us. He wants to come into the messy parts of your life and serve you. He wants to cleanse your heart. Not because he's obligated to, but because He wants to, because He wants to love you. It’s something He chooses to offer us at every instant. But we have to let go of our own imagined self-reliance. If we don’t open up to God, if we don’t let Him serve us, we’re not letting Him love us. We were made to be loved by God! If we’re resisting that, we’re resisting our happiness… which is stupid.
I think this is why Jesus says the kingdom of God belongs to children. These are the humble of heart, who admit that they need God. They need Him to do a work in their lives, because they're little, and can't do it themselves. They let Him take out their trash. They simply let God love them. During this Easter season, may we become like little children, completely dependent on God our Father, who loves us beyond what we can comprehend. May we open our hearts to let Him to love us in a deeper way, that we may truly experience all the joy He longs to pour upon us.
God wants to take your trash out for you.
Now, maybe this whole concept turns your head upside down - because that's a little of what happened to me - but it's true. The night before He died, Jesus washed His disciples' feet, saying "Do you release what I have done for you? You call me Teacher and Lord, and you are right, for so I am." But yet - He washes us. He waits on us. He wants to come into the messy parts of your life and serve you. He wants to cleanse your heart. Not because he's obligated to, but because He wants to, because He wants to love you. It’s something He chooses to offer us at every instant. But we have to let go of our own imagined self-reliance. If we don’t open up to God, if we don’t let Him serve us, we’re not letting Him love us. We were made to be loved by God! If we’re resisting that, we’re resisting our happiness… which is stupid.
I think this is why Jesus says the kingdom of God belongs to children. These are the humble of heart, who admit that they need God. They need Him to do a work in their lives, because they're little, and can't do it themselves. They let Him take out their trash. They simply let God love them. During this Easter season, may we become like little children, completely dependent on God our Father, who loves us beyond what we can comprehend. May we open our hearts to let Him to love us in a deeper way, that we may truly experience all the joy He longs to pour upon us.